Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
