I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Randomize
