Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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