I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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