You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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