Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
