what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
