he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
