i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
