I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
