Screwed.edu
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
