oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
