Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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