Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
