she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
