So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
