you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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