I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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