3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
