so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
