You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
