We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
