Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
