Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
