I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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