i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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