He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
