omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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