I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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