well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize