You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
