so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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