girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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