Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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