Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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