You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
