I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
