Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize