i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
