So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
