Small penises have feelings too.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
