Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
