pop tarts are not kleenex
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
