If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
