we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
