The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
