We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
