sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
