go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
