I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
