If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
