I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I cut my penus on the lid.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
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You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
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Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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