no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
