Where did you get a picture of my penis
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
