Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I need to align my fucking chakras
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