Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
