i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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