That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
