I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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