she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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